By Greenhill School's recommendation, I'm reading "A Whole New Mind" by Daniel H. Pink. The basic idea is that we progressed from farming age, to industrial age, to information age, and the next will be conceptual age, which while still need the foundation of left-brain analytical thinking, that's no longer enough. We will also need to use our right brain to better equip to deal with the new age. What's the right brain does? Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play and Meaning.

Some maybe harder to implement than others. But Story telling, by tape recording and interview other people to get their history? That's the one June can do really well I think. So I'm thinking one of the projects will be after the new year, June can go around the neighbors to do a our neighborhood stories. Have some basic questions, and then let the people talk. That should be fun.

I like this phrase: "Listening,after all, is a act of love". - www.storycorps.net

Drunk again. Thus, journal time. Ha!
Saw that the voice posting thing, sounds cool, should really try it sometimes. Maybe save me a lot of typo in a drunken typing frenzy. Although I don't think slurring while drunk will do much to the voice posting much either. But, it's worth a try.

Talked to hubby tonight while we're out for dinner. Ranting about work. The thing about me is, when I'm ranting, it's a very rightous indignation thing(hubby's words), and it's really true. I used to say that I don't get mad until I'm mad about some injustice in the world that happend to other people, but not me. But that's not true. I got really mad (can't shut up, in a rampage mad) when there's other people besides me that got mistreatment. I still need to be involved in the situation, but if only me, I can't do it, too selfish you see. But if it affects others, then all hell break loose. But of course in reality I'm too chicken, so only hubby (and occasionally some friends) that really see me rant. Which is actually a good thing, because I got provoked easily. A sympton I called 'Eyes wide open, but only once in a while'. Hope you get my meaning.

So, the rant is about corporate America, or maybe corporate everywhere, I'm not quite sure. But my drunken state is nearly gone, so I can't even remember what I was trying to say in the first place. Which is a shame I'm sure, cause I'm sure it's full of intelligent reasoning. I should come back home early next time just so I can write it all down. Or call in from the cell using the voice posting, that will be amusing.

That's it. Off to bed now.

Finally checked on my journal after a long drought. And realized something: My last two entries are all around the 10th of each month(june,july), and before, april. So there's a vaguely cycle thing going on, and I'm also long overdue for an entry.

It's not because I didn't think about writing an entry. It's more like that I've thought about it already, so writing it down becomes a chore instead of a real record. Kind of like Hugh Laurie said that he has an intense fantasy life, so he can imagine doing all the things without actually doing them, thus a bit debilitating in the actual execution of the things. Same thing here. If I've thought about the things I want to write already, does that mean I've written it? Even though there's no record of it anywhere except in my brain, and I can't dig it up whenever I want to?
These are not deeply philosophical questions, but it's the best I can do so far because I haven't got loopy yet. Until I get loopy, I probably won't get too moody to dwell on the deep thoughts.

But what I will say is this: I'm really lazy. Hubby Chris and daughter went to a camp-out since yesterday afternoon, and won't be back till tomorrow noon. And all these time I'm just watching TV and read HL stuff on the net, without doing any house chores even though there are loads of them. Such a bad mother and wife. And on top of that, still haven't finished my brother's tax return, and the extension is due very soon. So, a bad sister. And haven't called home after got back from Taiwan since early Aug, bad daughter. Promised a friend in Taiwan I'll either tape something or give links of something so her kids can watch something educational on TV, still haven't after 2 months, bad friend I am. Really, really lazy, and with no purpose in life, just drifting. I really should start a list and stick to it. Find meaning in life, if there ever is one.

Sometimes I think because of the attitude I have right now, will severely affects my daughter's outlook in life later on when she grows up. If you don't see the struggles/efforts and the triumphs/rewards, how are you going to see the value in trying instead of just coasting? It's really a bad example. There's also a thought that since I grew up practically by managing myself without mom and dad fussing over me, very self efficient, and that seems to be what's lacking in my daughter's, so maybe have two full-time working parents aren't a bad thing, let her see her parents work hard for a living. That's why sometimes I think I should get back to work. It will be good for the kid and for me. And hopefully for the family in the long run. Because kids will adjust, they are resilient.

Although my daughter has pretty different temperament than mine. She's a lot more observant, not just do it, and very meticulous, such that she's slow in things that just drives me mad sometimes. Like drawing a picture, got to be perfect, or need to finish exactly as she pictures it. I just have no patience for those types of things.

And it's not like I'm well adjusted now. I have so many shortcomings that I don't know where to begin even if I want to change. They said after you have kids, you'll realize your shortcomings more keenly, and that's so true. Their behaviors sometimes mimic yours, and normally they pick up the bad behaviors a lot quicker than the good ones, and I certainly see abundant of that in June. Just makes me feel so inadequate. I like to read, think alone, have long discussions with people I like with the topics I like, and those are good things. I'm also anti-social, hot-headed, stubborn, cowardly, afraid of failure(so never try hard enough on things I really want to do), procrastinating, physically and verbally awkward, no manners and good postures, like to do things my own way, and don't like to care about other people much. I don't like to shop like other girls, don't like to dress up, don't like to decorate, myself or house or others, an eye sore, some will say. So it's lucky that I actually got married, probably surprised my mom, my friends, and even my self a bit, just don't believe anyone will be interested in me that much, unless they are bad in the head. I'm not that interested in boys when I was young, so immature, hate the pretty boys actually, still do. My hero/star worship criteria no.1 is probably - not pretty guys, scruffy, yes, but not pretty. Told my husband so, and the star crush: Hugh Laurie, Colin Firth, Viggo Mortisen(sp?), Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, all because they have scruff to start with. And only HL love remains because the true character of HL.

But back to the topic of me working. And there's another problem. I'm so short tempered that after the work all day, I simply don't have an energy left to care for the kid. Got so mad with every little request she asks, even when she's just trying to get some playtime with mommy because without seeing each other whole day. The ideal situation will be working part-time, but it's hard to find a UNIX system admin part-time job for a woman who hasn't worked for 3+ years, technology alone will render me obsolete. A full time job will be hard enough, a part-time one? Almost non-existing. So, I continue drifting, maybe will try to study something instead. Do I dare to study Journalism, my first love, or MBA, for family & employment's sake even though I need to go thru those dreadful business wears and attitude adjustments? Or choose a simple route again like IT field or library science because to me they are just a lot easier than others? I really need some advice or deep thoughts on this.

Thinking I may have some depression going on, but it's really pathetic because I think, again, like HL said, "I'm just depressing enough to make myself sounds interesting, no more than that". There's a way to get out of the funk, and that's thru action, but I just sooo don't feel like it.
Thus the inaction is my choice. It's a bad sign, hope all the volunteer works at kid's school next week should pull me out of it some.

Hopefully next time will be a bit cheerful, like writing about HL or House, the two things that
my thought is quite often revolved around mostly nowadays.

sign off.
ETA: I apparantly wrote this several months ago, but because of computer crashed and never login till now, the time stamp is all messed up, and I can't even remember why or when I wrote this. So, it's just a note.
ETA2: Ok, so I went back to the old journals, and found this is actually the re-edited september '06 copy that crashed, I'm too lazy to delete it and for historic reason, decided to keep it just as it is. So, yeah.

Finally checked on my journal after a long drought. And realized something: My last two entries are all around the 10th of each month(june,july), and before, april. So there's a vaguely cycle thing going on, and I'm also long overdue for an entry.

It's not because I didn't think about writing an entry. It's more like that I've thought about it already, so writing it down becomes a chore instead of a real record. Kind of like Hugh Laurie said that he has an intense fantasy life, so he can imagine doing all the things without actually doing them, thus a bit debilitating in the actual execution of the things. Same thing here. If I've thought about the things I want to write already, does that mean I've written it? Even though there's no record of it anywhere except in my brain, and I can't dig it up whenever I want to?
These are not deeply philosophical questions, but it's the best I can do so far because I haven't got loopy yet. Until I get loopy, I probably won't get too moody to dwell on the deep thoughts.

But what I will say is this: I'm really lazy. Hubby Chris and daughter went to a camp-out since yesterday afternoon, and won't be back till tomorrow noon. And all these time I'm just watching TV and read HL stuff on the net, without doing any house chores even though there are loads of them. Such a bad mother and wife. And on top of that, still haven't finished my brother's tax return, and the extension is due very soon. So, a bad sister. And haven't called home after got back from Taiwan since early Aug, bad daughter. Promised a friend in Taiwan I'll either tape something or give links of something so her kids can watch something educational on TV, still haven't after 2 months, bad friend I am. Really, really lazy, and with no purpose in life, just drifting. I really should start a list and stick to it. Find meaning in life, if there ever is one.

Sometimes I think because of the attitude I have right now, will severely affects my daughter's outlook in life later on when she grows up. If you don't see the struggles/efforts and the triumphs/rewards, how are you going to see the value in trying instead of just coasting? It's really a bad example. There's also a thought that since I grew up practically by managing myself without mom and dad fussing over me, very self efficient, and that seems to be what's lacking in my daughter's, so maybe have two full-time working parents aren't a bad thing, let her see her parents work hard for a living. That's why sometimes I think I should get back to work. It will be good for the kid and for me. And hopefully for the family in the long run. Because kids will adjust, they are resilient.

Although my daughter has pretty different temperament than mine. She's a lot more observant, not just do it, and very meticulous, such that she's slow in things that just drives me mad sometimes. Like drawing a picture, got to be perfect, or need to finish exactly as she pictures it. I just have no patience for those types of things.

And it's not like I'm well adjusted now. I have so many shortcomings that I don't know where to begin even if I want to change. They said after you have kids, you'll realize your shortcomings more keenly, and that's so true. Their behaviors sometimes mimic yours, and normally they pick up the bad behaviors a lot quicker than the good ones, and I certainly see abundant of that in June. Just makes me feel so inadequate. I like to read, think alone, have long discussions with people I like with the topics I like, and those are good things. I'm also anti-social, hot-headed, stubborn, cowardly, afraid of failure(so never try hard enough on things I really want to do), procrastinating, physically and verbally awkward, no manners and good postures, like to do things my own way, and don't like to care about other people much. I don't like to shop like other girls, don't like to dress up, don't like to decorate, myself or house or others, an eye sore, some will say. So it's lucky that I actually got married, probably surprised my mom, my friends, and even my self a bit, just don't believe anyone will be interested in me that much, unless they are bad in the head. I'm not that interested in boys when I was young, so immature, hate the pretty boys actually, still do. My hero/star worship criteria no.1 is probably - not pretty guys, scruffy, yes, but not pretty. Told my husband so, and the star crush: Hugh Laurie, Colin Firth, Viggo Mortisen(sp?), Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, all because they have scruff to start with. And only HL love remains because the true character of HL.

But back to the topic of me working. And there's another problem. I'm so short tempered that after the work all day, I simply don't have an energy left to care for the kid. Got so mad with every little request she asks, even when she's just trying to get some playtime with mommy because without seeing each other whole day. The ideal situation will be working part-time, but it's hard to find a UNIX system admin part-time job for a woman who hasn't worked for 3+ years, technology alone will render me obsolete. A full time job will be hard enough, a part-time one? Almost non-existing. So, I continue drifting, maybe will try to study something instead. Do I dare to study Journalism, my first love, or MBA, for family & employment's sake even though I need to go thru those dreadful business wears and attitude adjustments? Or choose a simple route again like IT field or library science because to me they are just a lot easier than others? I really need some advice or deep thoughts on this.

Thinking I may have some depression going on, but it's really pathetic because I think, again, like HL said, "I'm just depressing enough to make myself sounds interesting, no more than that". There's a way to get out of the funk, and that's thru action, but I just sooo don't feel like it.
Thus the inaction is my choice. It's a bad sign, hope all the volunteer works at kid's school next week should pull me out of it some.

Hopefully next time will be a bit cheerful, like writing about HL or House, the two things that
my thought is quite often revolved around mostly nowadays.

sign off.

Still can't get over the high of seeing Hugh Laurie won. Love the man. And what a speech.
Just need to put this in as my first LJ entry.